Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
