walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
