where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
