I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
