would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize