Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
