It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
