No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
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Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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