I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
