i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
