this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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