I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Send help, water and tortillas.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
