wakey wakey hands off snakey
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
tell me about the eggs
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
