I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Holy shit dude........stairs
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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