but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
