At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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