If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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