I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we're making bets on your personal life
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
