Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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