Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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