Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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