Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
