I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
