I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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