You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
