Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
