My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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