We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
