his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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