so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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