She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
