I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
