I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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