she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
