It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
did i just pee glitter
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