break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
