is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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