whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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