Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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