Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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