I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
4 words: hood of his car
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
