my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm always down for nudity.
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