weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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