i will never coherently bang her
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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