the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
