remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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