Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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