Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
