I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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