You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
