i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
