so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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