Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
