Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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