Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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