Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
