Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize