I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
