Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
