he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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