I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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