Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
