Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
