The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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