I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My penis needs a shock collar
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
