I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
