p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
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Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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