Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
