Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
