i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
