I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
