Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She bit a glass in half.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
